Contrary to popular belief among lawyers, admission to the bar is NOT the same as going to the bar (i.e. it's not a license to run around like an obnoxious asshole doing whatever you want). One of the limitations is the dreaded Federal Rule of Civil Procedure #11, or "Rule 11." Getting Rule 11-ed results in sanctions for bad lawyer conduct, like bringing a claim before the court that the lawyer knows has no factual basis and is only made to harass the defendant. It's basically a judicial kick in the groin.
Two other relevant but tangential points:
The unofficial rule of thumb for Rule 11 compliance is the "Straight Face Test." In short, if you can make your argument without cracking your poker face, you're probably with the bounds of Rule 11.
Assault is the intentional creation in another person of the fear of imminent harmful physical contact.
That said, I would most certainly NOT want to be the prosecutor bringing this case:
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